It’s funny how on the 1st of every month I am going to start my new weight loss/health plan. The weight loss/health plan that I was going to start on August 1st, July 1st, June 1st, May 1st, April 1st, March 1st, February 1st and yes my New Years resolution was to start my new weight loss/health plan on January 1st.
It’s officially September 1st and I have started and stopped my new weight loss/health plan 8 times, yes…8 times. I mean come on, girl…get it together.
Okay, full disclosure…by the Grace of God, The Universe, My Sacred Council, My Angels and The Powers That Be …even with the start and stops, the on again off agains…I have still officially lost 20lbs. Woot Woot…Mini Celebration…Dancing It Out, to… “I’m gonna party til it’s 1999”…by the legendary, Prince…may he Rest In Peace. You have to be grateful for every “WIN” even if it seems miniscule. For real though, if you have ever picked up a 20lbs. weight (that Sh _ _ t is heavy) you would realize that even though I have 74 more lbs. to loose…20lbs. is still a “WIN”.
But, imagine what I could have lost, had I never stopped. Had I stayed committed to crossing the finish line and taking my Gold medal. The summer Olympics were all about commitment and watching amazing Olympians cross the finish line…I was in awe…it got me so jazzed up and it was also a slap in the face…a wake up call…a reality check. What is it that is keeping me from keeping on? Why can’t I cross the finish line and have my Gold medal life (or shall I say Gold medal body)? I swear as I look at my life I look at all the things I have committed too and how they have all come to fruition…my Gold medals…all of them as far back as I can remember…
Way back to first grade in Japan when I committed to being in the play “Annie Get Your Gun” and singing “ I didn’t know the gun was loaded” even though my sister said I couldn’t sing…I committed to doing it and I did it… back to being labeled a slow reader (yes, I “was”, “was” being the operative word a slow reader, I started school in Japan at 4 and at 4 I didn’t want to read…I wanted to play…lol) but I committed to knocking down that stereotype and learning how to be a fast reader anyway… back to trying out for the cheerleading squad in Junior High (after my family moved to Leavenworth, Kansas) and getting picked…back to getting a scholarship to attend Emporia State University…back to becoming Miss Emporia and competing in the Miss Kansas Pageant…back to receiving my B.S. degree in Psychology…back to moving to Chicago to become a dancer and dancing at Gus Giordano’s and Joel Hall’s…back to knowing I was always meant to be an actor and auditioning for “The Steppenwolf Theatre” and getting to be in “A Clockwork Orange” as one of the first plays I ever performed in…back to realizing that I was gang raped at 17 in college and overcoming the trauma and committing to being my own superhero and gosh darnit, I am my own superhero…Pow…back to making the decision to donate a Kidney to my cousin on September 1st (that’s right I donated my kidney to my cousin on September 1st and today is September 1st and I am making this new commitment…now that’s a sign if I ever saw one…woot woot) and donating it to save his life…but it actually saved both of our lives…back to knowing I needed to move to LA and convincing my friend Cherise Silvestri to drive cross country with me so we could both make that move…back to writing and performing my solo-show T-O-T-A-L-L-Y! and winning multiple awards…back to becoming a Best-Selling author…back to committing to helping survivors and non-survivors all over become thrivers and their own superheroes so they can live the life of their dreams…Shazaaaaammmm!!!
I have committed to so many things and this only scratches the surface. I have been able to commit and fulfill so many of my dreams. I mean the work you have to put in to commit to what I have committed too is extraordinary. I know if you look at the list of all the things you have committed to in your life and watched them come to fruition, you would feel extraordinary too. But we forget to do that and we just look at the things we don’t commit to…the things that don’t come to fruition and then we start beating ourselves up.
So, here I go beating myself up…but I have to in order to tell this story: with all that I have committed to…why in the hell can’t I commit to my weight loss/health plan. The one thing that could change my life forever inside and out. I am telling you, our health is the key to our amazing life long lives. It is the biggest thing we should all be focused on and yet it has been my biggest obstacle. Donating a kidney is nothing compared to this obstacle. When I donated my kidney to my cousin…I gained 80 lbs. I don’t have any regrets. I would do it all over again if given a second chance, but as I say in my show… “the truth is, the weight really Fu_ _ ed with me.
I had been thin all my life. I was a professional dancer, gymnast, cheerleader. So yes, it really Fu _ _ ed with me because I ate so well and worked out all the time. I love working out…I love being healthy. I am an active awesome person. But for some reason no matter what I ate, I just gained more weight. I thought I was going crazy. I would fast and still gain weight. I tried every diet and work out plan out there and still gained weight. It was ridiculous. So, I threw my hands up and pitched a fit and just ate whatever I wanted to eat, since no matter what I did it didn’t matter. I searched and I searched. All my tests came back normal and every doctor, friend, workout guru kept saying your just getting older, stop eating so much and work out and you will loose weight. So I did, but still no luck. I was so angry. So confused and hurting inside and out…literally. When you are overweight…it actually hurts. Mentally I had come to a place where I accepted where I was, but inside I knew something was wrong. I kept telling my doctors, my friends, my workout guru that something was wrong and no one believed me.
Then my body reached critical mass, I hit 214lbs. Yes I am telling you this because I am getting down and dirty. I am 5’4 and I hit 214lbs. I was at the end of my rope. People who loved me kept saying you don’t look that big…but I knew I did. Every picture I saw, every TV show or movie I was in…I just didn’t look like me or feel like me. I didn’t know what to do and then Viola…through a friend I found Dr. Nancy Evans at The Holtorf Medical Group and she changed my life. She is the last ditch doctor. The one everyone goes to when they are on their last leg and she saves the day. She is a real life superhero, for real.
She ran a panel of tests that aren’t covered with my other doctors because only the bare minimum tests are covered. She did an ultrasound on my thyroid and low and behold I had cysts all over my thyroid and my thyroid blood tests came back Hypothyroidism. What!!
SYMPTOMS OF HYPOTHYROIDISM
YOUR THYROID CAN AFFECT MANY PARTS OF YOUR BODY
Hypothyroidism can be more than just your TSH (thyroid-stimulating hormone) number. It’s bigger than just a blood test; it’s also the symptoms you may be experiencing. Symptoms of hypothyroidism usually appear slowly, over several months or years, and can often be confused with other health conditions. No one can predict exactly which symptoms a person will develop, or how severe the symptoms will be. Some people have many symptoms by the time they are diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Others have few if any symptoms. Because the symptoms are so variable, it’s important to talk with your doctor about how you’re feeling and to have a TSH test.
Here are some common symptoms* to look out for:
|Weight gain due to fluid retention
|Increased sensitivity to cold|
|Brittle fingernails and hair|
|Dry, rough, pale skin|
|Muscle and joint pain|
|Heavy menstrual bleeding
or irregular periods
|Swollen legs, ankles, or feet
Craving of Sweets and Carbs
Because none of my other doctors saw a thyroid problem from their tests I was in hell. Walking around with a thyroid issue that no one diagnosed. I realized that nothing I was doing was working because my body was not working right. Even with full commitment I could not truly commit til I got my body fixed.
When Dr. Evans gave me my results, I burst into tears…literally because I knew I could get back to me…now that the problem was found. All my symptoms now made sense and I could tackle this problem. Knowing this changed my life. My thyroid is working optimally now…it took a few different doses but it finally kicked in. But fixing the thyroid was only the beginning. Now I have to break my bad habits and mindset that keeps saying, “no matter what you do you can’t loose weight and get healthy”. I have to now recommit to being healthy again and that is kicking me in the butt.
So, I decided to start this blog because honestly I need the support through this journey to healthy and happy. I swear every time I am at the grocery store and I am in line and I look at the People magazine someone has lost 150lbs. and changed their life. Well it’s my turn to be on the front of MY People’s magazine having conquered this obstacle. It is time to take charge of this part of my life. It is time to be free of this last block. I have overcome so much in this lifetime…now it is time to overcome this.
Weighing In…is my daily journal to getting back to ME and Owning all of ME and letting my cape flow all the way down my back as fierce as I can. This is my time. I am so hoping you will come on this journey with me. I could use the love and support of MY People. Also, I figure if I am getting down and dirty with all of you…I will have you all to keep me accountable and I can get on the other side of this commitment. Now, I know I have probably tried this before and as I said above started and stopped…but as they say, if you never give up and you keep on going this time it’s going to stick…so, let’s stick to it together.
I know I am not the only one going through this drama. I am also using this blog to help and support anyone who needs the love, support and accountability. I am here for you. Reach out and let’s do this…together. Also, if you are experiencing any of the symptoms or all of the symptoms above and need help…help is here. For years I thought I was going crazy but in fact I had Hypothyroidism and didn’t know and it was getting worse and worse.
Go to my website: kimleighsmith.com and send me an email…together…yes we can.
“Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it”. Goethe
Up, Up and Away we GO!!!!!!!!